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  • Writer's pictureLeah Jones

Imaginary Heroes: THE WORST MOVIE EVER

I have only ever walked out of a movie. The Unforgiven and it won Best Movie. I almost walked out of Gladiator, but was just curious enough to stay for the ending. It also won Best Movie if I’m not mistaken.

So the 22 year old writer and director of Imaginary Heroes should be looking forward to a Best Picture Oscar this time next year. Why? This was the worst movie I’ve paid $9 since… EVER.

It is not good to be doubled over laughing during the credits of a drama, is it? Everything that American Beauty did well–this tried to imitate and did not do well at all.

Susan Sarandon? Sigourney Weaver? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Yes, costume designer, please put me in fuck-me-boots in every scene in the movie. From my son’s suicide, through my search for marijuana, when I find my husband having a breakdown in the park. Short skirts and knee high leather boots for everyone.

IT WAS TERRIBLE. CONTRIVED. FUNNY in all the wrong ways. I almost want you to go see this movie, so I have one more person to commiserate with. I realize I’m not writing any great critique here, the movie was just so bad.

Twist one: Super Star Brother Kills Himself. Twist two: Slacker Brother has wierd brother and won’t have sex with girlfriend. Twist three: Mother blames school bully and threatens them at the trailer. Twist four: Slacker Brother gets into an accident and breaks leg, meets suicidal hero in hospital. Twist five: Suicidal hero asks his mom out. Twist 18: suicidal hero is at the jewish christmas party and dates invisible sister. Twist 25: Slacker Brother tries ecstasy and makes out with next door neighbor. Twist 32: Mom of neighbor and mom of family don’t talk. Twist 46: Mom of Family had affair with husband of neighbor. Twist who cares to count: Mom gets tumors in her lungs. Twist shits and giggles: Husband goes on leave of absence and ….

It is like a roller coaster. Everyone has something odd and terrible happen. The wrong people are blamed. People are hurt. People cry (but not as much as you’d expect when Super Star Brother commits suicide.

In the end, Slacker Brother’s father isn’t the man who raised him, but the next door neighbor and father to the guy he made out with while on X. And it was Super Star Brother who beat him senseless, not the trailer trash school bully.

And they all graduate from high school.

TERRIBLE HORRIBLE NO GOOD VERY BAD MOVIE.

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