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  • Writer's pictureLeah Jones

Modified Monster

I keep some affirmations behind my monitor at work. Just a few items in my peripheral vision to keep my intentions positive and my brain rolling in the direction of success, at least a little. One is a modified bank statement that shows over three million dollars in my checking account and over nine million in my savings. Another is a small post-it that says 112K–that is an amount I consider to be “shit tons of money.”

Once upon a time, long before Hugh and I actually met in person, he sent a few copies home with Rick. I was tickled to have one and have had it up in my cube since I got it. A few weeks ago, I slapped a post-it note over the text that said, “I am reason enough.”

This morning I got out a marker and a bigger piece of paper and wrote a gain, only this time in big, blue letters and in a call-out box. “I am reason enough.” The longer version of that affirmation is, “I, Leah Jones, am reason enough.”

It seems to be, in romantic and platonic relationships, that encounters at the beginning are task oriented. There must be a REASON to see each other. A question to be answered by email or phone. A goal of seeing each other for the specific reason of moving things forward. A reason like a play, movie, dinner… eventually both parties can agree that sometimes the other person is the reason.

I’m ready to be reason enough and I want to meet a man that is reason enough. I want to drop the fear of admitting that he is the reason for the call or the text or the side-trip. Reason enough… and that’s my modified monster. I think it works, because fear of love/ing is a monster of sorts…. maybe eventually the blue monster will soften into something that is reason enough.

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