My last CL ad got a lot of quality responses, a lot. Many nice jewish boys with good senses of humor, passports, and no desire to meet me on IM. As much as I like to think I am capable of playing the numbers game of dating–meeting multiple people, going on 3 first dates this week, 2 second dates and 1 first date next week, and 1 third date, two second dates and a coffee the next week. I can’t.
I can’t make myself available to so many men. Not available in that way, but emotionally. How can I be open emotionally to three men at once? I can’t. So last night, for the first time in the history of my online dating history, I emailed everyone else except for Rock N Roll and said–I’m taking a break, I’m seeing how this one plays out, and that is why I quit writing you.
Does that mean I expect that Rock N Roll has closed himself off to other women? No. We’ve only been out twice, I think I’m realistic. Does it mean I’m certain he’ll be my boyfriend (do I sound like I’m 15?) No (Yes.) It means that going into the third date, I want to be focused on him and not him, the journalist, the computer programer, and the artist.
A good friend of mine thinks this has to do with the purity of my soul–that I must have had a few good past lives. I’m not sure if that is true, but I know better than to think I can juggle two crushes at once. So I’ll let this play out. It might be one more date and it might be five. After that, I’ll go into the “Jewish Ad” folder of my inbox and either delete all the men or start writing them again.