A couple months ago, I sat in a Thai restaurant having dinner with two Jewish sisters, an Argentine Healer and a good friend who is a spiritual counselor. At the end of night, the very end, I got a quick healing from the Argentine Healer. The idea was just to straighten out my chakras, align the energy, get things moving.
The problem came over my heart–where the source of feminine energy is kept. “You’re blocked. I can’t move past this. This is where your feminine energy is and I can not move it–you’ve locked it up. What are you afraid of?”
Relationships. Being loved. Sex. Sexuality. Fear. Fear. Fear. Who knows really where it came from, it doesn’t matter. What mattered more than knowing why, was unlocking the energy. She said this in this cycle of seven years, a woman sets into the woman she will be. That this year–my 28th–was very important. That it was necessary for me to get into therapy, to unlock my feminine energy, to become open to relationships, to drop the fear of being a woman.
Her advice was so specific, that she even told me to get into Gestalt Therapy. So I came home, googled Gestalt and Chicago and came up with a practitioner. I called her the next week and had an appointment on Thursday.
Today was my third meeting and I’m proud to annouce–It’s A Girl! Over the last couple months, I have envisioned unlocking the cache of energy locked over my heart. When I walk down the street, I physically draw back my shoulders and open the ray. I have bought skirts, high heels, tried to wear my hair down, gotten manicures, kept my eyebrows waxed, and tried to wear a little make-up.
I make eye-contact with strangers on the sidewalk. I respond a little flirty when some guy drives by and asks me my name. I don’t run when doors are held open, because I’ve learned that he’ll wait for me to get there. I’ve started fantasizing about weddings and babies–which sounds totally normal, but not something I’ve really spent much time thinking about in the past. (For the record, I’ve even picked out where my wedding will be. Don’t worry, there is parking a couple blocks away.)
In the course of events, I’ve drawn my girlfriends closer–because being a feminine woman isn’t just about attracting a man. It isn’t about that at all. It is more a bi-product of being comfortable in my own skin for the first time.
At the end of the session today, my therapist asked, “Have you thought about what else you want to work on with me?” “Um, I kind of think we might be wrapped up here,” I said to her. “That is what I was thinking. You’ve done great work and I love the things you are doing.”
Then she told me to consider wearing lipstick and asked if I knew I had beautiful lips. I said I did, “These are Jones lips.”
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