1. You say “the city” and expect everyone to know which one. 2. You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skill, till you go to Tokyo. 3. You have never been to The Tower or Madame Tussaud’s but love Brighton. 4. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Shepherds Bush to Elephant & Castle at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can’t find Dorset on a map. 5. Hookers and the homeless are invisible. 6. The Tube makes sense. 7. The Tube should never be called anything prissy, like the Metro/Subway. 8. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. 9. You’ve considered stabbing someone just for saying “The Big Smoke.” 10. Your door has more than three locks. 11. You go to a Football game for the fighting. In the stands. To participate. 12. Your favourite movie has Hugh Grant in it. (????!) 13. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn. 14. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression. 15. You call an 8″ x 10″ plot of patchy grass a garden. 16. You complain about having to mow it. 17. You know where Karl Marx is buried. 18. You consider Essex the “countryside”. 19. You think Hyde Park is “nature.” 20. You see nothing odd about the speed of an auctioneer’s speaking. 21. You’re paying
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