Wait, stop, before you think there was a shooting or a sacrifice at my synagogue, I’m using a comedy term. I killed last night, the Ham it Up Players killed last night. The show was a great success. We had a full house and a great time. The audience was supportive and wanted to be entertained and entertained they were. My set of stand-up was pretty great. Every joke got laughs, even the non-jokr about being in Germany and somebody saying Gesundheit to me.
Anywho, as promised, here is the Chai Five dating sketch that I twitter-sourced.
W: Thanks for coming M: No, thank you W: this’ll be great, you know that Sharona met her boyfriend at one of these M: yeah, that’s what you said W: it’s crazy though, only 18 seconds? M: That’s why it’s Chai Five dating. W: i’ve been thinking… I don’t think you should use that line M: line? W: from the movie M: I think I’m in love for the first time? But it’s classic W: i don’t think it’ll work. M: women love that stuff W: seriously, steve, don’t do it.
DING
Moderator: Okay ladies and gents, thank you so much for coming to Chai5 dating, Chicago’s newest Jewish speed dating. We realized that even 3 minutes can be too long with the wrong person, so we’ve shortened it to 18 seconds. At the end of the night, you can select five people to meet again. Please take your seats and when you hear the ding, the date is over.
DING
Guy 1: So… I think I’m in love… for the first time
DING
Girl 1: I don’t want to marry anyone with less a net worth less than 500K by his 40th birthday, can you tell me if you’ll be able to make that deadline?
DING
Guy 2: I just have to tell you… I think I’m in love… for the first time
DING
Girl 2: I was thinking of going to KFC after this, but you are finger lickin’ good.
DING
Guy 3: So, wow, yeah, these things make me nervous and thirsty… do you have change for a soda?
DING
Girl 3: I hope you don’t think this is forward, but what’s your salary and bonus schedule look like this year?
DING
Guy 4: Mind if I call you Nancy?
DING
Girl 4: the giggler
DING
Guy 5: I just have to tell you, I think I’m in Love… for the first time
DING
Girl 5: Wow.. you look just my father… I mean that in a good way.
DING
Guy 6: Wow… you look just like my father…. I mean that in a good way.
DING
Girl 6: “My probation officer says my first husband is full of crap, but that’s just cause he feels guilty for sleeping with my therapist”
DING:
Guy 7: So… that’s why I’m here… to find a woman who doesn’t have issues.
DING:
Girl 7: It’s simple, really… if we get married and we’re cleaning the house for passover.. do I have to get rid of the bacon?
DING
The friends looks at each other at the end of the night, holding their score cards.
W: You pick your five? You get five, that’s great, right?
M: Yeah… I’m…um… well… she was kind of… What about you?
they look at each other
W: I think I’m in love… for the first time.