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  • Writer's pictureLeah Jones

My problem with Tostitos

Other than the obvious problem that I want (can and do) to eat the whole bag of Tostitos Scoops with an entire jar of Tostitos Salsa con Queso, there is a smaller more annoying problem. A bag of Tostitos with a jar of Queso, a Snickers bar, and a trashy magazine (a la Glamour or Cosmo) has been my PMS food of choice since college. Here is what I’ve learned.

It takes more than one bag of chips to finish a jar of Queso.

I am not willing to buy more than one bag of chips at a time.

Then the 1/2 finished second bag of chips would need another jar of Queso and a third bag to finish the second jar. This is unacceptable, so I just buy one and one.

If I could get to the crumbs first and eat the top of the jar of queso with the crumbly bits of chips, then eat the middle and bottom of the bar with the whole chips–I might be able to finish the jar of Queso with one bag of chips.

Gravity, shipping, and life place the crumbly bits at the bottom of the bag, leaving me no option than to attack the bottom of the jar with the crumbly bits and getting more Queso on my hands than on the chips. Then I have to lick my fingers to get the queso that didn’t get on the chips.

So I’m sitting here, in the middle of the first day of my period with a jar of nearly finished Queso and a few crumbly bits of Scoops! chips. The jar is going to go into my fridge where I will pretend I’ll finish it, but it is really just going into the 90% finished Queso quarantine next to an unfinished jar of Fritos queso and another unfinished jar of Tostitos Queso.

There is also a jar of pickles that I lost interest in and some jelly.

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