I did it. I managed to schedule and follow through with my “ladies” appointment at the doctor’s office today. I have managed to swerve around pap smears for 7 years after my before mentioned horrible experience with the witty nurse practitioner at my university. I have promised doctors and nurses I would schedule a follow up visit, but all I really wanted was a damn rescue inhaler.
The first thing out of the Nurse’s mouth this morning, after finding out it has been 7 years was, “I guess I’ll have to chastise you then.” “No.” I said, “You don’t.” I was curt and I was using my voice from my years in College Housing. It was silent and she looked at me. “Why shouldn’t I? I waited five years and had a snowball effect.” “I’m here, aren’t I? I didn’t just take a quick appointment for my asthma and promise to reschedule, did I?”
I was so angry at her. THIS IS WHY PEOPLE HATE DOCTORS AND NURSES. You say stupid things, thinking you are being funny, but you aren’t. You are being hurtful. I am 27 and I don’t need to be chastised for not doing something, especially when I came today to do it. And it isn’t like I’m at risk for one god damned thing. In fact, when the doctor found out I’d “never ever” had sex, he almost canceled the pap and the STD tests. He was in shock, I could tell. I said, “I know, it’s weird.” “It isn’t that,” he said, “its just…”
Its just that it is weird. It is totally weird and not something I particularly enjoy advertising anymore. Fuck. And don’t not do it today, don’t let me off scott free. The Nurse was much nicer than me after Doctor gave her the “never, ever” heads up in the hallway.
In the end, I got my std tests and my “ladies” test. I didn’t wimp out at the sight of the dragon jawed speculum. In the end, I also got my inhaler–so now I can exercise again. On a side note, I did get a high five from my doctor about the weight I lost last year. I forget that it makes a huge difference in how the doctor views me. At least that was one lecture I didn’t get this year. And I might even see this doctor a second time instead of hiding and then finding a new doc in three years.
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