Um, yeah. No apologies right now.
I saw Rabbi Dan’s comment and got a chill this morning. Shit, did I really say something offensive. But before I spewed apologies, I reread my post. Know what? I didn’t. I said that I recognized that both Shiksa and Heeb are offensive and that I wasn’t certain that I wanted to be a billboard for the combined offensive word.
Nonetheless, I want some sort of funny word that captures the gray area I’m living right now. A friend said to me the other night, “But don’t you think of yourself as a Jew? I think of you as a Jew.” I do, but I know that I’m not there yet. I haven’t had my beit din, mikvah, public affirmation of a private decision. I still make up words when I can’t understand the Hebrew and I still put the O in God.
But I want a feminine sounding, expressive word to explain it. Ronnie and I did some linguistics today. He suggested that goy:shiksa::sheeb:heeb. I thought I understood at the time, but now I don’t. He suggested Shiksew (chronological, Shiksa, then jew). I think it is too close to see-saw and rickshaw. I suggested “New Jew Be” as a play on JuJuBe candies.
So I’m taking suggestions. Mix a word for me, create a new one, find the perfect Hebrew word… Yes, I know that eventually the right word with be Jew, but what about now?