You seem happy.
Tonight was another week of my Jew class. I say it flippantly, but it is a very important part of my week. The other students (and myself) are getting more comfortable asking questions and offering suggestions, so the classes are getting more lively. This week the topic was marriage, divorce, and death. Ketubahs, Get, and Kaddish.
My big news is that I still haven’t picked a career path. I did sit down last Friday and write my ideal day in five years–here is how it looks:
6:30 AM Wake up because the baby is sleeping through the night. 6:30 to 8:00 AM Time with husband, coffee, baths, food for the kids (an infant and a toddler. Or a toddler and I’m 7 months pregnant, though I’m not sure I want to be 7 months pregnant in July… so maybe just two months pregnant.) 8:00 to 9:00 AM More food and clothing related things with the kids. 9:00 AM take the toddler (if old enough) to the JCC for pre-school. 9:00 to Noon Baby stuff, maybe write? Noon to 6:00 PM Get the toddler back from the JCC, family stuff, food stuff, naps, house stuff. I dunno–mom stuff. 6:00 to 8:00 PM Dinner stuff with kids and husband, bath time, bed time. 8:00 PM to whenever Grown Up time with Husband, writing, reading, news, TV, crashing, and stuff.
When I did this schedule I was surprised at what I saw. Or more, what I didn’t see. Work. Or CAREER. What is there? The work of being a mother and wife. Eventually as the kids grow up, there is also supportive of entrepreneurial husband’s growing business. I know it is old fashioned, but I think I can admit it. Wife, mother, supportive partner, writer, and a good Jew. That’s what is becoming important to me.
I talked to a friend this weekend about it. She is going through chemo and her husband is a pastor–I stood up in their wedding and they are dear friends. He knows that I want to be a writer and is pushing/encouraging me to write. “When am I reading Accidentally Jewish?” She said, “I know too many women who are miserable in their careers, why try and do it all? You can’t do it all well.”
When I started therapy to unlock my feminine energy, I expected to become some sort of sexual goddess. I did not expect to become Donna Reed. Or a more egalitarian, Jewish Donna Reed. That is what I want and I don’t want to apologize for it. It is a new thing and I’m coming to terms with it, just like I’m coming to terms with an identity as a religious woman.
Shiver. Wierd. So, I guess, I’m leaning toward the JOB and not starting another new career.